Emotions point at what is important to us. You might be joyful at the sight of an old friend, or angry when you feel some injustice has taken place. But upon reflection, our emotions are not only about external circumstances. They can also point us toward our values, “ways of being” that are important to us, and which were either expressed (tends to feel great) or suppressed (tends to feel crummy).
Method: Harvesting your values starting from emotions
To begin with harvesting your own emotions, step back into your memory. Pick a situation you experienced in the past weeks that felt challenging and that stuck with you. This worksheet is most interesting to go through for a situation that brought up challenging emotions that are linked to the situation itself more than to previous trauma. Here are some questions to help you flesh out your memory.
- Where were you? With whom? What happened? What emotions came up? How did they manifest in your body?
As you have identified different emotions that came up, decide on the one that was most clear and present. Think about the immediate cause of the emotion.
Write down your emotion and its immediate cause.
I felt ___________________ because____________________________________________________________.
ie. Aisha felt frustrated because people were late.
Find the emotion that came up on the list below and ask yourself some of the prompting questions. Challenging emotions point us towards values that were blocked, that we could not attend to, that were suppressed and so on.
If the emotion you wrote down does not match the emotions listed beneath, go for the one that is closest. For each emotion, you'll find several questions—pick the one that seems most helpful, and take notes.
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being has no space here?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being is not safe to emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is blocked?
What way of being is not safe to emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
What way of being can you not bear to give up on?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
What way of being can you not bear to give up on?
Take Notes:
What's worth protecting?
What way of living is threatened?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living is overridden?
What value did you fail to live by?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you neglect?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you neglect?
What did you fail to prioritise?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living did you give up on?
What do you no longer trust yourself with?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What's worth recovering?
What way of living is estranged?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What is worth protecting?
What way of living is violated?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth honoring?
What way of living is lost for now?
What way of living has become impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth recentering around?
What way of living is out of focus?
What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?
What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?
Take Notes:
What's worth recentering around?
What way of living is out of focus?
What way of living do you not know how to bring to this?
What ways of living seem to be in conflict with each other?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living is unsafe to emerge?
What's worth identifying?
What way of living would allow the above emerge?
Take Notes:
What's worth demoting?
What way of living doesn't make sense anymore?
What's worth embracing?
What way of living will save the above?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
Take Notes:
What's worth nurturing?
What way of living seems impossible?
Take Notes:
Using the guiding questions, try to articulate your value as a sentence.
Ex: Aisha felt frustrated because people were late. That blocked her ability to treat her time as sacred.
→ Aisha's articulated value might be: "treating time as sacred"
When you articulate your value try to use one of these pre-fixes in your formulation.
approaching things ___, treating people ___, acting ___, keeping things ___, living life ____
Note down your articulated value:
Let's clarify your value to make sure that it isn't polluted with norms, goals, fears, etc. Note that your value might already be on spot, in which case you don't need to answer the questions below.
- Would it still be worth doing independent of the outcome? If so, continue to the next bullet point. If not, it's a goal or fear! Take notes below.
- Would still be worth doing if no one knew you did it? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's a social norm. Take notes below.
- Do you believe you could still be a good person even if you failed to be this way? If so, continue to the next question. If not, it's an internalized social norm. Take notes below.
- Would it still be worth being this way if no one else ever joined in? If so, (after all the questions above) it's probably a value! If not, it’s an ideological commitment. Take notes below.
"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't affect the outcome?"
"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if no one noticed?"
"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if there were no rules?"
"How would I want to approach things/treat people/etc. if I couldn't influence anyone?
Write your clarified 🌳 Personal Value in the box below using one of the following pre-fixes.
approaching things ___, treating people ___, acting ___, keeping things ___, living life ____
Imagine that you had to give an actor instructions on how to be the way you are being when you are living by your personal value. Write out your thoughts in a paragraph (stream of consciousness is fine) on how they should do that.
Now boil those thoughts down into one sentence that the actor should hold in their mind.
Write your specified 🌳 Personal Value in the box below using one of the following pre-fixes.
approaching things ___, treating people ___, acting ___, keeping things ___, living life ____
Think of a way you try to be. Maybe you try to be generous, kind, helpful or a good listener. Whatever it is, write it down here:
Using the word above, answer these questions one at a time. (slowly works best)
1) To seem this way to others, I've been:
2) But on my own terms, being this way means being:
3) And people I admire for being this way inspire me because they are:
Use your answers to 2) and 3) to continue.
Ex: Aisha felt frustrated because people were late. That blocked her ability to treat her time as sacred.
Ex: James loves following his curiosity to expand into the unknown. His job at the textile factory is very repetitive. It feels impossible to live that way there. He ends up leaving work each day feeling depressed. Ex: Lian felt deeply hurt. It seemed unsafe to try to keep things respectful when she was under attack. How could her friend say something so cruel about her ex-lovers?