🎤 Mic check
Before we start, let's make sure everything is working:
(click on the boxes to check them off)
Helpful tips:
Yes, like that.
🚫 Mute your microphone when you're not talking
← Type your answers in the grey boxes.
🤨 Questions? Problems? Feel free to speak up.
Once your boxes are checked, we'll get this party started. 🧨 For now, just sit back and relax!
🏡 Soulwindow
Each person in turn checks in by
- "Opening the Window" with your hands (do this however you want)
- Sharing what is going on inside right now (feelings, concerns, etc.)
- "Cleaning the window" by making a circular motion with your hands (everyone joins in)
- Optional: A question about how we can support/assist/undermine you today.
we do this Monday mornings. Helps to shift gears at beginning of work day and zoom call. Helps us tune in to each other.
know what worlds we’re coming from
Who are you? Where are you dialling in from?
What do you feel right now?
What’s on your mind today as you come into this?
🎪 Demo (1)
Finding and tuning the volunteer
2 parts. First part takes 10-15 minutes. That's how long you will listen.
Now: find a value in an emotion story. You'll practice this and get good at this. Who tells us an emotion story? We'll tell you value behind emotion, dig into it more.
people found this cool. who's up for it?
To audience:
- Stay curious, see if anything surprises you.
- "Can everyone here agree to act as a gentle and angelic observer and hold what is shared now with confidentiality and compassion?
To interviewee:
What kind of story to go for? Challenging emotions that arose from the situation rather than some previous trauma. Extreme emotions might point that the emotions are not about the situation, and we ain't good at fixing that. Pick something that happened in the last month.
😎 Guessing Game
Players take turns announcing one of the words they plugged into the sentences beneath, without saying which sentences they were completing. The others try to guess — is the person motivated by goals/fears, meeting expectations, setting expectations, or inspiration?
Complete at least one of these sentences. (non-value: 📈 Goals & Fears)
It pays off if people think of me as _______ (so that I reach my goal / avoid my fear). I push myself to be _______ (so that I reach my goal / avoid my fear).
Complete at least one of these sentences. (non-value: 💍 Meeting Expectations)
I want to be a good _______ (social role), so I have to be _______. People are used to me being _______, and I don't want to disappoint them. People will dislike or reject me unless I seem to be _______. In order to be a good person, I have to be _______.
Complete at least one of these sentences. (non-value: 🚔 Setting Expectations)
You specifically (or everyone) should be more _______, just like I am. All right-thinking people know they ought to be _______. As a _______ (social role), I need to show people how to be _______. The world would be a better place if only everyone were more (of a) _______.
Complete at least one of these sentences. (a value: 🌳 Inspiration)
Reflecting on my experience has taught me that a good life unfolds when I choose to be _______. My friend/mentor approaches things with _______, and inspires me to be that way, too. I deeply admire _______ (someone I know) because s/he is _______.
Each of the four grey boxes points to a way that a concept could be guiding a person's choices. Many words could fit into any of the four boxes. The difference lies in how you are motivated.
Commonly Used Words
Adventurous / Capable / Clever / Creative / Deep / Dependable / Disciplined / Excited / Friendly / Generous / Genuine / Humorous / Happy / Inclusive / Kind / Knowledgable / Moderate / Modest / Patient / Professional / Punctual / Resourceful / Spiritual / Trustworthy /
Non-Value: 📈 Goals / Fears
Non-Value: 💍 Meeting Expectations
Some expectations appear necessary for being accepted or continuing to operate within a social space. We often meet expectations in order to maintain group acceptance or avoid rejection.
Non-Value: 🛃 Setting Expectations
Sometimes we work to impose our expectations on other people. On a personal and group level, we try to set expectations by “modeling” behaviors we would like to see in others. On a larger scale, this social pressure takes the form of ideologies (e.g., Veganism, Conservatism, Polyamory).
A Value: 🌳 Inspiration
Personal Values are intuitions or ideas about which way of approaching things will guide our lives and choices well. We can feel good about being guided by our personal values even if they do not result in the outcomes we expect, even if people don’t like us for being that way, even if no one else changes their behavior.
👺 Out of Character
Each player finds ways they are afraid of being seen. The group then agrees to support each other in trying on those »out of character« selves and reflecting on the experience.
Make a list of a few ways you work to be seen by friends or strangers. Or, if it seems more intuitive, you can make a list of standards you expect yourself to live up to.
I work to be seen as... / I expect myself to be...
Common Examples: Accomodating, Authentic, Calm, Caring, Fair, Friendly, Generous, Gentle, Intellegent, Interested, Interesting, Loving, Kind, Open-Minded, Patient, Strong
Other Tips:
It's best if you really do put in some work to be seen or think of yourself in these ways:
Caring - you want to go to bed, but you stay up to listen to your friends complain
Intelligent - you overprepare for meetings and take extensive notes on everything
What kinds of impressions do you try hard not to make? What do you really not want others to think about you? Alternately, what kind of person do you specifically not want to be?
because I don't want anyone to think I'm... / because I can't stand to see myself as...
Common Examples: Bitchy, Bored, Boring, Cold, Dangerous, Egotistical, Fake, Impatient, Mean, Racist, Rough, Selfish, Sexist, Snobby, Spiteful, Stingy, Stupid, Weak
Other Tips:
This list is not necessarily just the literal opposite of the list above. The best »scary opposite« is one that actually makes you feel anxious when you think about others seeing you that way, or think about yourself being that way.
Sometimes that means »scary opposites« end up looking like this:
I work to be seen as organized because I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy. 😱
I expect myself to be helpful because I can't stand to see myself as resigned. 😱
Sometimes it means getting more specific:
Bitchy, like someone who just insults people if she doesn't like how they look - NOOOOO... everyone would hate me if they thought I were like that. 😱
Stupid, like a guy who really just doesn't get what is going on in his surroundings - I would be terrified if I thought I weren't actually aware of the social context. 😱
In a circle, one player at a time tries on one of their ways of being, saying or doing so mething out of character, without telling the others which it is. The others can compliment anything they liked about what the person did or said (compliment the character, not the acting). Then it is the next player's turn.
Take five minutes to journal about these two questions regarding your »out of character« self. Then share anything interesting you'd like to with the group.
1) Where did I decide that being seen like that (as my »scary opposite«) was bad?
Try to locate this fear in your autobiography.
2) When I let myself be seen that way (as my »scary opposites«), I can also be...
What compliment would you give to your own out of character self? Or, alternatively: What was interesting or lovely about the experience of being that way?
