Getting clear about other peoples' values is difficult when they don't even know what an awareness-guiding personal value is. You need to get them to talk about the right things. I'll introduce you to seven "wisdom moves"—questions that foreground values and get your interviewee to start sharing ways of being that inspire them.
Instructions. Read the interview example. Then read the questions to get that person to talk about values. Note: These questions are likely to start the right conversation. They probably won't deliver the value straight away.
Interview Example: Yoga Class
👩🏼🦲 Maxi. I was in yoga class, and my ex-boyfriend walked in. He went to the other side of the studio, and didn't even acknowledge that I was there. For the whole class, I was trying to do my practice. But I'm heartbroken, and have just been an insecure messy slob since the breakup. I've been thinking about him a lot, and I kept glancing over at him hoping for some attention. Even just a quick smile or something... Usually I feel great after yoga, but I ended up going home feeling deeply frustrated.
Wisdom Move #1: Self-Image Flip
What is your __(opposite)__ self like?
Often an internalized image of "who I ought to be" (expectation) guides awareness away from who I could be (value) in a situation. That's especially true when the value isn't supported.
Can you identify a negative self-image in the story above? Ask about a positive one!
Wisdom Move #2: System Fix
How would you have been able to ______ if it weren't for _______ ?
Generally people aren't aware of how outcomes and expectations can crowd out their awareness of values. Fixing that problem (even in a magical abstract way) can help them see a value.
Can you identify a pressing outcome and/or expectation? Ask a question that removes it!
Wisdom Move #3: Bad Times / Better Times
Are there other times when you felt ______? // Are there times when you didn't feel ______ ?
People can get so zoomed in on the dynamics of a story that they lose track of what is important to them more generally. Zooming out can help them see a pattern.
Are they stuck chewing over the same details? Ask for more stories!
Wisdom Move #4: Interviewer's Values
For me __(broad value)__ is like this ... how is it for you?
When someone doesn't know what values are, they tend to drift around to various things that happen to stand out (just as they do in values-blind designs). Bring them back to the point.
Are they having trouble seeing throught the fog? Reference your own values!
Wisdom Move #5: Self-Advice
What advice would you give to yourself when you struggle with this?
One way we recognize values is through reflection. The person you are interviewing might not have reflected about this situation yet, so get them to try.
Are they struggling to talk about values? Ask them to give advice to their former-self!
Wisdom Move #6: Admiration/Appreciation
Can you think of someone who handles these situations well? How do they approach it?
[CAREFUL: you might get an image they are pressuring themselves with here. If so, bring it back to a value or use another move.]
Do they wish they could be like someone else in these situations? Ask what they admire about how that person does things! (hint: fictional characters also count)
Wisdom Move #7: Love, Love, Love (Reggie's Move)
Where is the love in this situation?
Reggie Luedtke came up with this. I'm not exactly sure why it works, but it's got a pretty solid track record. What wasn't being loved/is worth loving in this situation?
Don't know what to ask? Try putting love in charge!
🇨🇿 Czech Your work!
🚧 WARNING 🚧
When emotions seem "outsized" or "too big" for the events they are connected to, they indicate an earlier trauma. Point this out to your interviewee, and make sure they are open to exploring that right now. If so, use the "Trauma Move", then the other moves as needed.
Trauma Move:
Ask them to think of the earliest time they remember feeling this way. Then ask them to tell that story as if it were about someone else. Listen carefully and hold space for insights (let them interpret it). Help them discover how that person is having trouble living/being/showing up.
Make sure you tune in to the other person. If it feels like they want to stop, make sure they know that is totally fine. I've seen this be a very healing moment. It's fine to also get vulnerable and share your experiences, but don't offer advice. Just be there to hold space for them to feel their own feelings.